By Craig Wilson, USA TODAY
I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A
carrot was something you left for Rudolph.
I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.
1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skimmed milk or whole milk. If it's skimmed, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again. Ever.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards, mate.
10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the corner!!
A neighbor of my mom's works at a Tile shop and brought over a couple of 4" Corian sample tiles of a line that is discontinued. As she brought me stock, I made her a pen and have charged her to advertise for me. I think she will bring in many as she stated that the company is always looking for "Thank You" gifts for customers. How cool would it be to have a pen and/or letter opener made from the same Corian that's in your kitchen?? Along with two different colors of Corian I added black guitar picks. This pen is spoken for.
This lovely little gem is made from Red Malee burl from Australia. Burls are probably my favorite medium to work with as I have no idea what is on the inside and there's no grain to the wood, just swirls and birdseyes that really show up with I clear coat the wood. Available.
Here's another sample of a burl. This pen is Buckeye burl (light) from North America and Thuya burl from Morrocco. This pen is spoken for.
These two pens are from the same type of Corian that someone I work with just gave me. She and her husband had their kitchen remodeled and had this hunk left. In return to the free stock she received these two pens. It's neat to see how the "mood" of the piece changes depending on what color kit I choose. Spoken for.
This is made from a product called acrylester. I'm not too fond of this material as it likes to explode if it gets too hot. This color is Ocean Mist and is available.
This trio of pens was a special order for a gal in my office. She wanted a pen for herself and her two daughters that are graduating college this year. You'll notice that each pen has a piece of the other two in the cap, signifying the relationship. Spoken for.
This is a two-tone blue swirl acrylic with white guitar picks at both ends. Available.
This desk set is a combination of Box Elder burl (light) from North America and Cocobolo from Central America. Spoken for.
This is made from the same green Corian as the letter opener. Spoken for.
This piece is made from amber Crushed Pearl acrylic. Available.
Finally, this set I made from a pre-fab piece of wood consisting of either birch or maple (North America), Purpleheart (Central America), and Walnut (North America). I entered it in our county fair in 2006 and won First Place! No one is getting this set. Ever.
That's all I got.
This is me going up against Curtis. He's dead.
The first thing I grabbed because the tag caught my eye. DO YOU SEE THAT?!?!?! Glorious Ghiradelli chocolates! I did share with Stevie. I had the mint ones *swoon* and he took the caramel ones.
Next out was the cute little faux suede bag. Inside said bag was this:
Aren't they cute?? L'il salt-n-pepper shakers like ornaments!
Next is this lovely and warm scarf from Old Navy. I don't even know this woman and I think she likes me. She really likes me!
I didn't know what this was at first, then as I figured out how to open it I remembered my friend, Jealaine, has one, too!
It's a reusable bag that you can fold back into its pocket and toss in your purse or jeans pocket, I s'pose....that is, if you have really roomy pockets. But then you'll have the weird bulge in a weird spot, so perhaps it's better in a coat pocket or back in your purse where it belongs.
Then there was a compact mirrow and matching emory board from Bath & Body Works, followed closely by this:
