Reflections

As I walked through ICU looking for potential subjects to enroll in my various studies I saw a new patient that was in for a head bleed. But when I peeked in his room I saw that it was more than just a head bleed.

There was active bleeding from the top of his head. His nose and mouth were packed with gauze bandages. He was already trached.

His nurse is a friend of mine and I asked what really brought him in.

"Self-inflicted gun shot."

Sure enough, there, under his chin, was the entry wound of his suicide attempt.

Once again I was faced with the haunting thought of my dad and the demons these two men shared. The demons that drove them to the thought that this was the only way to end their pain. Family be damned.

I still don't understand the pain and desperation they felt. I still don't want to know. I don't want to ever be that low.

I said a prayer for him as I stifled back the tears. I truly believe I felt God's presence with me, standing next to me as I tried to unsuccessfully sort this out.