Something as innocent as salad dressing...

....turned into a discussion about sex between Steve and Jenna.

I was pouring a new bottle of ranch into the squeeze bottle we currently use. It started off slow as not to make a mess. About midway through I was able to have the two rims touching as the dressing is pouring out.

Steve: "Look, Jenna! The bottles are mating!"

Jenna: "What's 'mating'?"

I shoot Steve "the look.

"Steve: "Mating is when two bottles love each other and touch each other."

Jenna: "Ewwww......"

Steve: "And sometimes, one bottle puts its goo into another bottle."

By this time I'm beet red, trying very hard not to laugh and to not make a mess. Then a big glob of dressing comes out and it runs over the top.

Steve: "Yep, sometimes that happens, too."

I put my head down on the counter to laugh. Then I took my finger and tried to clean off the ranch that was running down the bottle. Jenna hopped up on the chair next to me and asked excitedly, "Can I lick your finger??"

"NO!!! GO AWAY!!!!"

5

(CRAP!! I can't find her third birthday! It's somewhere with the new house photos!! Perhaps on the old computer......grrrrr.......)

Happy 5th birthday, Booey!

Jekyll and Hyde

Yesterday was Jenna's first day of pre-school at the same facility she's been going to since she was 3m old. But now it's official. She's in school. That meant a brand-spankin' new backpack; any one she wanted. The concept of a Pre-K'er needing a backpack still escapes me, but I digress. I didn't get a backpack until I was in 6th grade and that's when the homework started. Did I mention the backpack being the same size as her??

She's been stoked for the last week and literally jumped out of bed this morning. Granted Pre-school is afternoon only 5 days a week but she didn't care. And she was equally stoked when she and Steve came home.

We decided to go over to mom's so Jenna could enlighten her. SHe wanted to use her scooter. As we left she ran over her foot with her scooter and got a surface scratch on her ankle. She sniffled the whole way to mom's.

Once she had her juice box she chatted it up with mom. Once she saw the scratch on her ankle she wanted a band-aid of which it clearly didn't need. That made her pout. She didn't even say goodbye to mom and said she didn't want to ride her scooter home. I had to push Mallory so I basically told her she was SOL, but not in so many words. Then she started to cry and mildly sob.

Mom's hollerin' at me to count to 10, slowly. Two houses down I holler back, "3!"

At the corner Jenna's still crying and dragging her scooter so I pass her and walk ahead. This made her cry even more. I got to the other corner and waited until she was closer then walked up to the house. I got a couple nasty looks from drivers and I'm walking and Jenna's crying.

Eh......

Mal and I got to the house and I waited until Jenna could see me go into the house. She came, still crying, so I told her to go to her time-out corner in the living room. She cried for another 10 minutes.

I went over to her to see what the problem was. She said her ankle hurt. It's been over 30 minutes since she scraped it and she was carrying on like her foot was going to fall off. She said she wanted an ice pack so I told her to get one. Then the phone rang.

It was mom making sure everyone returned to the house alive. I went into Jenna's room to tell her the whole story up to that point. I came back to the living room and got food for Mallory. I started to feed Mallory when Jenna started crying AGAIN.

"What is it this time???"
"You said you'd come back after the phone call!"
"Jenna, I am back. Oh, you meant back to you."
"Yeah!"
"What do you want, Jenna?"
"I want you to hold my icey!"
"Absolutely. NOT!!"

So once again, "Mother Of The Year" is gone until 2025.

Name Change

J. Geil's 1983 old version: "My Angel Is A Centerfold"

Jenna's 2008 new version: "My Angel Has A Cell Phone"

BULLSEYE!!

It's been quite a while since I've posted a Jenna-ism, and boy! I shant disappoint!

Steve and I have been talking to Jenna about "stranger danger" and "private parts" and all those wonderful things that in an ideal and idyllic world would not have to be discussed. Alas, such is not the case, hence the discussions.

One thing I remember from elementary school about private parts is that where ever your arms cross on your body (chest, pelvis, hiney) are areas that no one should touch. Pretty basic, right?

Either Jenna wasn't paying attention or just didn't comprehend the term "private parts" but she has her own term.

This past weekend she was talking about "private parts" and the term that she used made Steve and I try our hardest to NOT bust out laughing. The ironic thing is is that her term is so incredibly dead-on it's not funny.

Nay, it's hilarious.

Instead of "private parts," Jenna calls them "profit parts."